I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize