how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
