it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
