Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
