I cockslap morals
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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