I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
