Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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