If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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