I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
