He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
