the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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