the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
