i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
