Where are you?
In a non slutty way
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
