This is not my ceiling
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
