I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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