i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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