Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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