woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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