Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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