There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
