I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
