Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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