her vagine was all disorganized.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
