Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
