1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
