Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You're like the curious george of whores
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
