My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
