this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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