Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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