i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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