final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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