we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
