he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
