there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
worst night to have a conscience
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
