my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
