the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
