My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
