I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
