You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
