It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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