Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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