My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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