It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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