Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
