if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
cat food counts as protein by the way
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
