Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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