We named our party play list daddy issues
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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