He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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