I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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