I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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