Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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