the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Everything about him screamed your future.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
