we have officially lost it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
