and you said cock pushups were impossible
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's no shave November. This is our time.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
last night I used snow as a chaser
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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