sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
