No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
