Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize