my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
