is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
