I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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