Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
