I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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