margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
