my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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