I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
