I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
