Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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