For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
