This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So squirting runs in the family.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize