i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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